Content Warning: mentions of death and suicide

We hold out the palms of our hands small colourful rocks are placed at the centre, like perhaps what you might find at the bottom of a fish tank trying to trick the fish into thinking it isn’t captive, I am still in my world of in-between - the person next to me puts them in their mouth to test, and spits them back out, which is after all how we find out what things are when we are babes. It isn’t food.

The mother stands up and with certainty and holding tells us all “come on” 

We are connected by a string.

 A chord from us to her. 

The mother leads us outside.

We follow, slowly and carefully, we need to move slow and careful.

please move slowly and carefully 

Please 

Move 

Slow 

And 

Careful 

And then it happens a sound I would know anywhere.

 A sound I knew before I knew of any knowing 

You can always tell a mothers cry

A wail penetrates my body, I am here there is no denying. 

I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry 

It is okay 

We are moving, a large string on bodies, weaving from inside to outside and then we find it.

Earth.

The small rocks are put on burning ash, smoke tangled with the mothers prayer floats above us.

This a container, we are inside it now.

We didn’t no we were coming here, we often don’t know. 

The mother cries and cries and cries.

And I - I’m so sorry. I am so sorry 

We are by the grave yard, this is a collective funeral this is a collective grief.

this could have been my name 

I am so sorry.

My son took his own life the mother says

Please 

Move 

Slow 

And 

Careful 

Thank you the mother says 

I’m so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry 

We begin placing names in the space between us 

Name suicide summer 

Name suicide I miss him 

Name suicide I'm sorry 

Name silence 

Name 

The smoke and names dance together and float up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up 

And we cry

And cry 

And cry

And cry

And cry 

Please move slow and careful 

And, stutter

And, breathe

And, you’re okay 

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Jazmine Rose Phillips a performance Artist, Musician and writer. They seek to embrace the grit and beauty of the human experience. Their works aim to evoke and embody transparency and healing. Often motivated by the destruction we all take part in as humans. Jazmine has released 2 albums under Moniker Jazmine Mary and in 2022 Won best Independent Debut award for their Album The Licking of a Tangerine. Jazmine has performed their works in Galleries across Aotearoa, Melbourne and India. Most recently a season at the basement Theatre of “Their feet did not touch the ground” a performance highlighting the experiences and human rights violations detained refugees face currently in Australia.